Naturally, I have sensitive sense. A vibration across the room can wake me up. I can smell a vague aroma of onion and get really annoyed about it. And I read facial cues. It is not something that I am proud of, or even like; because once I sense an awkwardness, then I feel there is no point of being there.
That is why I am not that good in extending pleasantries. I can do it naturally because I have nice smile (that’s what my friends say and I know that too), but the truth is, I am not a real social person. Does that make me having double personality issue?
Most of the time, I am angry at myself for having ears and nose that sensitive. I seldom have deep sleep, and with the constant pressure I have been having; lately I prefer going everywhere by myself because I don’t have the energy to interact with people. I always feel like my body is in the war-state. Like my brain tricks me to keep alert. Just like what I’ve heard about Maasai tribe in Africa who can be awake from sleep in just seconds.
But a friend told me that it might be an advantage. I know it is. It is just….sometimes I demand people to understand that sensitivity, and they just don’t. It is annoying. And I just have to swallow the bitterness for that. Apparently not many people have the same sensitivity as me.
I do believe it is a gift. One day I’ll find out what it is for :)
-C
